Grief at Work: It's a Leadership Thing
Updated: 2 days ago
While I was still pregnant with my son, Nathan, I remember listening to an episode of The Eh List podcast and saying out loud, "Okay, so that's your Dad talking, and that's your Tito Brandon."
Our friend, Brandon Chapman, hosts a podcast with founders, CEOs, and leaders from across Canada sharing the stories behind how they got to where they are. I was incredibly proud that my husband, Jordan, was one of those leaders. Our baby could apparently hear outside sounds at that point, so I made sure Jordan's voice on his episode was one of those sounds.
Listen to Nathan's Dad's episode:
Leading Through Ambiguity: Building Teams and Careers That Thrive
I was excited (and yes, competitive with my husband) about being a podcast guest too one day, but I planned to get promoted into a new role first: Mom.
Months later, I have my episode, but not my baby with me earthside. I'm a Mom now, but I'm a bereaved, calm-hearted one, talking about my son and why his loss story belongs in conversations about work, culture, and retention.
Despite how openly I've written about my experience, I still felt apprehensive about this conversation. Being recorded in real time felt like another level of acknowledging how intertwined my personal and professional lives have become.
My hesitation is exactly why I'll keep bringing pregnancy and infant loss into conversations about leadership and care at work. Whenever I see someone share on LinkedIn how baby loss affected them at work, including how their leaders responded, I feel encouraged to keep speaking up. Seeing these experiences shared is meaningful and empowering to me, and I hope sharing mine helps others feel seen and represented too.
As I shared in the episode, it's still early days for my grief, for Calm-hearted, and for learning what remembering forward looks like as Nathan's mom. I worry that seeing me smile, laugh, and speak confidently might make people think I'm grieving less, or thinking about my son less. But being a voice in this space is one way I'm honouring my son, and if it helps another parent feel seen or someone offer better support, then I’m doing the right thing for him and our family.
I'm using this piece to expand on some highlights from our conversation, with research and practical resources for anyone thinking about how we can better support grieving employees.
Listen to Nathan's Mom's episode in full, with grief-at-work insights and timestamps below:
Building a Bereavement-Ready Workplace
"When you are going through the most challenging times in your life, that should not be a stress test for how good your organization's culture is." (~17:55)
I believe bereavement-ready workplaces aren't built in the moment someone shares devastating news. They're built in the conversations, policies, and leadership practices that come before it. A loss reveals how that culture holds up when someone needs more than what is normally expected of an employee.
Most workplace responses begin after a loss, but organizations can prepare before having to act in real time. In the UK, research from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) found that only 36% of organizations had a pregnancy-loss policy, and just 24% of senior decision-makers said their organization encouraged an open and supportive climate to a great extent for discussing sensitive experiences like pregnancy loss.
In my recent BCBusiness article on supporting employees after pregnancy and infant loss, I wrote about workplace readiness and the importance of consistency, choice, and clarity.
An employee shouldn't have to discover how supportive their workplace really is during one of the most difficult experiences of their life.
"What's a common trend you see in workplaces where people mean well but end up doing more damage than good?" (~22:15)
This was an interesting part of the conversation because I laughed when Brandon talked about being a man who might say the wrong thing. However, when I returned to work after my loss, some of the male leaders I worked with referred to being a man as a reason for not knowing what to say or do, and that didn't sit well with me.
The reality is that I don't think it's inherently a "man thing"; ultimately, not being able to fully relate to someone's experience doesn't remove responsibility. I have empathy for how difficult it is for anyone to know how to respond to something as devastating and unimaginable as pregnancy or infant loss. But uncertainty should not become a reason to avoid acknowledging what has happened or offering support. I often say that silence isn't neutral.
This is where grief literacy and leadership development matter. The Center for Creative Leadership's (CCL) 2026 research found that 73% of managers said they needed training to support a bereaved employee.
I find that statistic especially meaningful because the skills needed are not separate from what we already expect of good leaders. Listening, responding with empathy, navigating difficult conversations, and understanding how your actions affect others are all leadership capabilities.
On the podcast, I shared a few examples of what this looks like in practice:
After baby loss, an enthusiastic "We're so glad you're back!" may be well-intentioned, but it can be painful to hear when returning to work is not something the grieving employee feels ready or happy to do.
Instead, acknowledge what has happened. You might say, "I'm thinking about you and your baby." Use the baby's name if their parent has shared it and welcomes you doing so.
You can also be honest that you don't know the right thing to say. There is a difference between admitting uncertainty while remaining present and making your discomfort the reason you withdraw.
When someone chooses to disclose their loss, they are trusting you with deeply personal information. You do not need to fully understand their grief to respond with care. Not knowing what to say is human, but saying nothing is a choice.
"Make sure the workplace isn't adding harm or adding to the person's grief... You're never going to remind someone that they're grieving... Just pause..." (~25:35)
One of the points I made in the episode is that acknowledging someone's grief isn't going to remind them of something they've forgotten; overlooking their experience can add to the hurt.
This is particularly important because the workplace is often one of the first places entrusted with news of a pregnancy or infant loss. The employee may already be navigating medical recovery, funeral arrangements, paperwork, trauma, and a future that has suddenly changed.
They should not also have to project-manage their organization's response. I've talked about this as recognize first, organize second. Acknowledge the person and what has happened before moving into necessary decisions about leave, coverage, or timelines.
Those practical conversations do need to happen. Clarity can be an important form of care. And leaders can take ownership of coordinating the next steps without asking the grieving employee to repeatedly explain their circumstances or solve problems while they are away.
"If an employer has fumbled something like this in the past, how can they do better?" (~28:40)
No organization can anticipate every circumstance, and every employee will have different needs. A bereavement-ready organization can hear feedback without defensiveness, acknowledge what happened, apologize specifically, correct the immediate situation, and improve the systems that contributed to it.
To me, psychological safety is not about never getting anything wrong, but by making it possible to surface concerns and repair harm. Employees need to trust that speaking up about an experience, asking for help, or setting boundaries will not create negative consequences for them.
I think about this often when reflecting on my own experience. I returned to work after my son's death and soon realized that I wasn't ready. There were many reasons for why I thought I could, including looking for a sense of normalcy through my grief, and I know now that I should not have returned when I did.
My workplace had already been preparing for me to take maternity leave. When it became clear that I needed more time away, I wish there had been an opportunity to pause, reconsider my return, and make a different plan. Instead, I found myself navigating a situation that needed repair while also confronting the realities of the work I was returning to. The combination made it increasingly difficult for me to see a sustainable future there.
I understand that an employee may need to communicate what they need, especially when a situation requires repair. But repair should not mean repeatedly educating the organization about the impact of its decisions. Leaders need to own the follow-through and demonstrate what will change.
"You can't treat a return to work as a recovery milestone... Your organization will be better for it when the person feels supported and people observing the situation see that you've done a good job." (~31:22)
The workplace is a learning environment. The consequences that follow disclosure, help-seeking, boundary-setting, or silence can affect whether those behaviours become more or less likely in the future.
In CIPD's research on pregnancy and baby loss, 24% of employees who had experienced loss considered leaving their job because of their experience at work.
For me, the experience of returning to work after loss changed how I understood what I needed from an organization. I was still the same person with professional experience, skills, and ambitions, but I was also someone navigating a profound change in my life. Employees remember how they are treated during some of the most difficult moments of their lives. The people around them remember too.
"In a smaller company, it feels more urgent to be human. In a larger company, it is more urgent to have consistency" (~42:25)
In smaller workplaces, personal relationships may be closer and there may be fewer formal processes to rely on. In larger organizations, policies and HR systems may be more established, but employees can still experience inconsistent responses depending on their manager or team. This is why this conversation is worth having, especially when thinking about being bereavement-ready before something happens.
The CIPD's five good-practice principles bring together organizational awareness, a supportive culture, clear frameworks, compassionate and flexible leave, and manager capability. I think this is a useful reminder that empathy and systems are not competing priorities, and workplaces need both.
Four questions every workplace can ask before a loss happens
If someone in your organization experienced a pregnancy or infant loss tomorrow, how ready would your workplace be? Would you know what to do in the next hour? Who receives the news, what is the immediate response, and how will the employee's privacy be protected?
Who owns the next steps? Is someone responsible for communicating available options accurately and compassionately, coordinating support, and ensuring the employee does not have to manage the organization's response?
Is your workplace prepared for an employee to be away? Do you have realistic coverage plans, clear handoffs, and the ability to adjust workload?
What happens during leave and when the employee returns? How will you communicate internally while respecting privacy, maintain agreed-upon contact without creating pressure, and prepare managers, coworkers, and direct reports?
Resources for building a bereavement-ready workplace
Practical pregnancy and infant loss guidance for HR teams, leaders, coworkers, and grieving parents, including ways Calm-hearted can support workplace communication, training, and return-to-work planning.
Research on how bereavement affects employees, managers, and coworkers, and why supporting grieving employees should be part of leadership development.
Five good-practice principles and practical guidance for creating organizational frameworks that combine compassion, flexibility, and manager preparation.
Short videos exploring the psychosocial factors that shape psychologically healthy and safe workplaces.
Training that builds confidence in recognizing mental health challenges and responding with care, helping individuals support others without needing to become mental health professionals.
In July 2026, I was personally certified through this facilitator's training program: http://mentalhealthtrainer.ca/specials/
Calm-hearted at work
My background in learning and development, change management, and communications has shaped how I understand leadership, workplace culture, and the importance of preparing people for difficult situations. Becoming Nathan's mom, and continuing to be his mom after his death, has added to the perspective I bring to this work.
I am proud to have shared my experience with radical candor in this podcast conversation because I felt safe enough to do so. That safety matters to me, as someone who has spent years facilitating conversations and speaking confidently in professional settings. I'm grateful to Brandon and the team behind The Eh List for making room for this conversation.
My hope is that pregnancy and infant loss becomes a more familiar part of how we talk about leadership, culture, and care at work. Not because every leader needs to understand exactly what a grieving parent is experiencing, but because no employee should have to rely on someone having lived through a similar loss to receive a thoughtful response.
If you're a grieving parent, HR professional, or leader thinking about what better workplace support could look like, Calm-hearted's workplace page shares how we can work together and continue the conversation.
